Alchemy of Marriage

The Alchemy of Marriage

          For centuries men have tried all sorts of ways to turn base metals, like lead, into gold or other precious metals. The price of gold these days is evidence of how miserably we have failed. We have been slightly more successful at the magical formula that turns two people into one. This doesn’t always work. Those critics of marriage that say it takes more than a license from the state are correct. It is only a piece of paper. It certainly takes more than words spoken over us while we are holding hands in church. It takes more than desire and more than love. So, what does it take to turn two people into one? I’m glad you asked. 

          First, marriage is a process. I’m enough of a romantic to believe in love at first sight, but we’re not talking about love, at least not in the romantic sense, we’re talking about marriage. Two become one in much the same way a blacksmith joins two pieces of metal. The two of you are thrown into the fire where you take a lot of hammer blows that reshape you. Afterwards, you’re plunged into cold reality and tested to see if the joining process took. If you’re still together, well, you’re off to a good start.

          For the bond to hold, each person must surrender a part of themselves. The pieces you surrender will determine the fate of the union. Beware, evil has little substance; it rushes into a vacuum. You do not have to turn on darkness; only turn out the light. If you give away a part of yourself, you must replace it with something of value. Do not give away that which cannot be replaced.

If you love fishing and cannot imagine giving it up or replacing it with something you love---don’t. On the surface that sounds selfish, but failure to fill that void with an equal love leads to resentment; not contentment. It would be ideal to marry a woman who loves to fish---ideal, but not necessary. Rather marry someone who, as part of their gift, will give you time for your pursuits which they do not share. My wife has surrendered many hours to the Three Stooges. However, they are hours that come back during Dancing with the Stars or Good Morning America.

Freely give the best, most treasured part of yourself without reservation. Misers are lonely, frustrated people. Those who resent giving become cold, venomous and bitter. Give that which you would gladly receive and it will come back to you in time. God and wives love a cheerful giver. This is a two-edged sword. Each must give to the other the freedom to be complete. You cannot whittle away at the person you love in an effort to remake them. Each of the two must be complete in themself to make one whole. You will experience good and bad. It will not be perfect, but it can be very good and that’s the best you can do when dealing with people.

Freedom granted to be oneself is not a license to be selfish. The true measure of love and strength is the degree to which you forsake your freedom in order to bless another person. Nowhere is this truer than in marriage. A good marriage takes a lot of work, but I’ve heard it said that a man, who loves what he does, never works a day in his life.